Do you have to be perfect to help?

I hope not! But I’ve been told by some that if I let people know that I’m not perfect, it will negatively impact what I’m trying to do. I no longer believe those people. I know there are individuals who have issues I can help with. Disclaimer: I am quite far from perfect.

I have PTSD from childhood and adult trauma. I have anxiety and depression. I work hard every day to work around these things and to heal them. I have made huge progress, but I still have days where doing anything beyond getting out of bed feels very challenging. I want to help people understand that they are valuable, capable, smart, talented, resilient, full of grit, content, and sometimes happy. Part of that is helping them understand that the opposite stuff they feel is ok. 

Everyone is anxious, depressed, grumpy, nervous, shy, self-critical, and more, at least sometimes. If we can’t move beyond those feelings, we need to learn some specific skills. We need to train our brains and our emotions to respond more harmoniously to the situations and activities of our lives. And you can do that work and still be of service at the same time.

So, if you would like to be doing things that are helpful for others, but you are worried that you won’t be good enough or that you still have too much “wrong” with you, consider this: If you needed to navigate a dense jungle, would you want a guide who has navigated it before several times, or would you want one who theoretically knows about jungles? What you have been through is part of what makes you who you are. You have learned from some of it. In some ways, you are stronger because of it. Understanding that your struggles are helping you grow will give you some perspective on how to use those challenges to better yourself and to be compassionate, patient, and helpful to others.

Be wise about how much you share of your personal experience. When helping, we can make the mistake of burdening others with our problems while we attempt to relate. But, being humble, admitting that you don’t have everything figured out, listening more than talking, giving little to no advice, being supportive of their thought process can all go very far in helping others feel heard and helped. You don’t need to be “perfect” to do that. You just need to be present.