I'm Focused, Not Stupid.

The way people think, how they process their surroundings, the things that happen, the information they take in, is a hugely diverse range. And though society is finally starting to talk about neurodiversity, not very many people really understand how to recognize the differences in productive ways.

For example, when I focus on something, everything else goes away. I hear the other noises around me, like the dogs asking to go outside, my partner trying to get my attention, the doorbell, but they are otherworldly sounds that seem to have nothing to do with me. I have to remind myself to allow those outer cues to have a little bit of my thought space, or I’ll generally have messes to clean up later. Cooking is one of my highest focus activities. I can’t talk to anyone or pay attention to anything else while I cook, or things will burn, boil over, etc. If I try to talk to people and cook, I have about a minute or two before I start walking in circles in the kitchen, unable to continue the conversation or cook. I’ve overloaded. Gratefully, those who know me best find me cute more than annoying, and they help me get back on track by getting my attention and guiding me to my next task.

So, because I know that I focus intensely, I also know that I can’t walk and text. I may not be able to listen to the radio or one of my audiobooks while I drive. I can sometimes, but only if I’m in top mental form. If I’m tired or distracted in other ways, I’ll listen too intently and forget I’m driving. I don’t drive poorly when I’m like this, but I miss turns, and my response times are slower. I have to be aware of what I am and am not able to do so that I can be successful using my focusing skills for the benefit of myself and others.

For people that don’t have such hyper-focus, my behavior can seem to indicate ineptness, even stupidity. They can become frustrated with me, which unfortunately causes me other issues. So, I’ve had to learn how to ask for help or patience without acting like I’m a problem and apologizing for just being me. This is hard. It takes finding my inner confidence and my compassion for others.  Just like I can get overwhelmed when I don’t understand something, others can get frustrated and impatient. When I find ways to connect to another person’s needs, I can often find ways to explain my abilities in a more productive and inclusive fashion.

Next time you feel frustrated by the way someone is doing or saying something, try figuring out good reasons for what they are doing. Ask them if their approach is meeting certain needs of theirs and if there is a way you can help. Brilliant and beautiful things have been created throughout history by those who seem different, outside the norm. By embracing the differences, we can find ways to bolster one another, diminish conflict, and learn important skills that benefit ourselves and others. Differences are a real, necessary part of life. Embracing them is key to success.