According to Psychology Today, “Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to identify and manage one’s own emotions, as well as the emotions of others.” Basically, there are three main skills we all need: “emotional awareness, or the ability to identify and name one’s own emotions; the ability to harness those emotions and apply them to tasks like thinking and problem solving; and the ability to manage emotions, which includes both regulating one’s own emotions when necessary and cheering up or calming down other people.”

Anyone who interacts with children and teens knows that they can struggle with their emotions. They may overreact to simple things, maybe not care enough about others. They may be hard to communicate with because they are withdrawn or aggressively opinionated. But whatever a young person struggles with, it’s pretty obvious that they all could use a little help understanding and regulating their emotions.

The Mood Elevator is an illustration of the human condition; it is our moment-to-moment experience of life. We all ride the Mood Elevator every day, take a moment and identify what floor you are on right now.

In my line of work, a top priority is to help people want good stuff for other people, not at their own expense, but in some version of win/win. Real communication that does something productive and good rarely happens without this most basic commitment. I have to admit, though, that this is not easy for me always. Sometimes, I just want people to listen to me and do what I say. I can feel like I don’t have the patience or strength to go through the right process to get a good conclusion for us both. I just want it done and out of the way.

In my life and in my Coaching practice, it’s important to me to share what’s been useful. My conversation with author, speaker, and consultant, Jack Quarles, definitely needs sharing. Credited with saving companies tens of millions of dollars by seeing process, strategy, and people in clear and productive ways, Jack’s professional life has led him to realize most of us have habits of expressing ourselves that can cost us dearly.

The question to ask yourself, in fact, is not “What inspires me?”
Instead, real insight and application lies in the question, “How did I lose my inspiration
in the first place?”

I hope not! But I’ve been told by some that if I let people know that I’m not perfect, it will negatively impact what I’m trying to do. I no longer believe those people. I know there are individuals who have issues I can help with. Disclaimer: I am quite far from perfect.

My early memories have some sweet moments of my mom making a picnic and taking my brother and me out on the row boat to the island. That sounds grander than it is. The pond in our side yard was about an acre big, and the island was about 20 feet in diameter, and I loved every inch of it. The island was tree covered and felt like a world all unto itself.

I’ve counseled my children, all adults now, to pursue the work and the life that truly represents them and the world view they desire. While they are each still in the process of figuring this out, they’ve had many opportunities to know what they don’t want. They’ve had jobs where the company or the managers have quickly made it clear that the only purpose for existing is making money, and neither the customer nor the employee really figures into the equation successfully. My kids, and their peers, not only need more from their work than a bottom-line-driven company, they need to feel they are making a difference for good. Dr John Izzo and Jeff Vanderwielen know how they feel and have written a great book about it.

Have you ever heard the stereotype that women talk too much? I’ve wondered about that a lot as I’ve been surrounded by men, throughout my life, that don’t really let anyone get a word in edgewise, even other men. At home and in business, I’ve had to learn to get my ideas out in as few words as possible so that they might get heard before a man interrupts me. This has definitely had an impact on my relationships with women, however. I get with a friend, and sometimes my little inner voice of sanity tries to get me to shut up, but I just keep word vomiting like I haven’t spoken in a month.